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5 Tips for Discussing Sex with Your Kids

29 December 2017

In a previous article, we discussed how there is no ideal age for talking about sexuality with children. It is important to approach the topic as soon as they begin asking questions and to provide them with an answer that is appropriate for their language and understanding level. Here are a few tips for addressing the topic of sexuality with your kids more effectively.

1. Use the Actual Words

Even if your kids are young, you should call things by their real names instead of going on a detour. Simply say things as they are – for example, call a penis a penis, and be specific in your answers to make it easier for the kids to understand.

2. Using picture books

One approach to providing concrete answers is using picture books about sexuality. Such books work well to introduce your little ones to the topic. You can find a multitude of books for any age, including novels, educational books, comic books, etc. on the various aspects of sexuality. Suggest to your children that you can read those together and take the time to provide explanations.

3. Ask your children to answer their own questions first

When your children ask you a question about sexuality, have them address their own question and sound their perception of the topic, so that you can see their degree of understanding and knowledge. For example, if your child asks you what oral sex is, ask them what they think it is. Directing the question back will allow you to refute or confirm certain beliefs, thus providing the child with more precise and personalized answers.

4. Do not wait until adolescence

Sex is a normal part of life. That is why you should not give the impression to your kids that it is wrong or forbidden to engage in it or talk about it. The sooner you approach the subject with them and transfer your values, the better.

5. Do not turn your own sexuality into an example

One important aspect to keep in mind is that you should not talk about your own sex life with your children. What happens in your bedroom must remain private. If they ask you questions about your sexuality, politely reply that your private life should not concern them. Generally speaking, their parents’ sex life disgusts children because they perceive incestuous elements. That is why you should avoid citing your sex life as an example.